July 14 2007

I was reading through old posts on other blog and came across this gem --

Title: Dire
Body:
I am so scared for the future. Nothing's for certain anymore.

I hate how I can judge someone, when I am no better. Why do I care? What does it matter? Why do I have to be so condescending sometimes? I know no better. Why are we in such a rush to get older? Can't we just slow down and take everything in?

I have no will, no willpower. I know not of strong principles. I have no unwavering morals. I stil do believe that essentially I am a good person. My arms feel weak, but now I am uncertain whether it's my arms or my insides.

All of the time I pretend. I pretend I'm self confident. I pretend I'm experienced. I pretend I know what I am doing. I pretend that I'm intelligent. I pretend I'm special. I pretend that I can't get hurt. I pretend that I don't care. What's worse is that I'm not only pretending to others, I'm also pretending to myself. I get small glimpses of these self-observations then I quickly pretend to not notice. Always pretending. Who am I really? How can I separate the real me from what I'm pretending to be?