Trivial.

I was sitting in my room when a friend of my roommate came in crying. A mutual friend of theirs had died that day. He wasn't a close friend. Does it matter though? They had known him since middle school. They stood there reminiscing, sometimes laughing about the things he used to do. They remembered about how he was allergic to everything. He couldn't participate in the dissection in their bio class because he would have an allergic reaction. They remembered how small he was. The fact that he was gone didn't seem real.

Meanwhile I was sitting there watching this all take place, not knowing what to say. I could only watch. Everything else seemed so trivial. I wondered how I would react if someone that I knew since middle school (I don't even know of anyone I've known that long) had passed away.

I know that after something tragic happens, everyone suddenly experiences some sort of emotional transformation, but then time passes and they return to their former selves. Things need to change. I need to appreciate what's around me. In that book that I was reading, it tried to help you realize what's important in your life by imagining a funeral of someone close to you. All of your loved ones are there, family and friends. And they all get up to talk about the person who passed away, and then you realize that it's for you. What would you want your family to say about you, your friends, your peers? It's kind of morose talk but it allows you to stand back and take a look at your life and decide what you want out of it.

I still don't really know what I want out of life but I'm going to try to not just take things day to day. I feel like I need to also consider the bigger scope of things instead of just shuffling through the present.